Table 1 Active listening skills and techniques for conflict resolution [27]

Validating: support and acknowledgement of the parties' feelings

Acknowledges the feeling of hurt and conveys respect and acceptance

'You're feeling overwhelmed by having to make these decisions... where do you begin?'

Allows understanding of feelings and other perspectives

Reflecting (in the form of a question): checking in and interpreting what you have heard

Similar to clarifying, reflecting provides an opening for a richer and more thorough response

'You're feeling like your efforts aren't being recognized or respected by the intensive care unit staff or by me... am I accurate?'

Allow an opportunity to expand upon and clarify a perspective

An opportunity to confirm and acknowledge feelings

Paraphrasing: using your own words to interpret your colleagues' thoughts and feelings

Lets the speaker know that you hear the message they are sending

'You feel like we have been disrespectful and neglectful in your mother's care'.

Gives the receiver (perceiver) the same opportunity

Slows down the pace of the conversation

Questioning: appropriate use of open- and close-ended questions

Opens up discussion

Open: 'Can you help me understand more about...?'

Allows exchange of information

Closed: 'When did you decide to...?'

Encourages expression

Obtains information about facts and feelings

Confirms understanding

Provides insight about who, what, where, why, and how

Clarifying: checking to verify facts, information, or feelings that have been expressed

Proof positive that you are listening closely

'You're finding this hard because you're not sure if it's what your mother would have really wanted... Would that be fair to say?'

Helps elucidate or disarm conflict issues

Summarizing: brief verbal reviews throughout your conversation and a final summary moving to settlement

Helps to maintain a mutual and accurate understanding of facts, interests, needs, and positions

'You think we don't respect your efforts and goals, so you have been unwilling to engage in any more discussion with us'.

Keeps the discussion on track (that is, 'where we are')

Helps focus the parties

A final summary of your mutual agreement enhances the resolution process